by WOW | Aug 15, 2017 | Blog, Dark is Beautiful
1. What was it about the flawesome series that got you interested in sharing your story with us Savi?
Nobody is born perfect or even becomes perfect. Everyone has some flaw or the other. I wouldn’t even call it a flaw, that’s a big word, it could be a limitation. It’s how we work through the limitation that matters. I am not sure whether my life or condition even qualifies to be spoken under this flawesome topic, but yes I have had limitations and I have learnt to overcome them. So I am happy to share my journey and experiences.
2. Give us some idea of your background for starters.
As a young girl I was very active, bubbly and an extrovert, who always wanted to be happy and always dreamt of this world to be a bed of roses. I was a dancer, singer, artist, you name it. I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis(RA) at the age of 19. RA is a long-term autoimmune disorder that primarily affects joints. It typically results in warm, swollen, and painful joints. The body’s immune system – which normally protects its health by attacking foreign substances like bacteria and viruses – mistakenly attacks the joints. This creates inflammation that causes the tissue that lines the inside of joints (the synovium) to thicken, resulting in swelling and pain in and around the joints. The synovium makes a fluid that lubricates joints and helps them move smoothly. If inflammation goes unchecked, it can damage cartilage, the elastic tissue that covers the ends of bones in a joint, as well as the bones themselves. Over time, there is loss of cartilage, and the joint spacing between bones can become smaller. Joints can become loose, unstable, painful and lose their mobility. Joint deformity also can occur.
My joints used to pain to the effect that I was unable to even lift a single sheet of A4 paper. Doing my daily chores was becoming difficult, like bathing, dressing, eating etc. All of a sudden I found myself totally disabled and crippled from even taking care of myself. I was unable to walk, sit or stand for long and soon I was limping badly. I was gradually slipping into a depression because no one would understand the kind of pain I was going through. Everyone had great advice for me. Over a period of a few years I tried all kinds of treatment ranging from allopathy, ayurveda, therapeutic yoga, sindha, accupuncture and accupressure to herbal diets and what not. Nothing improved my condition, one by one every joint of mine was getting affected. I was on steroids and pain killers and mild chemotherapy drugs to keep things under control. Life went on but with difficulty. I used to cry it out in the night and wet my pillow with my tears because no one could feel my physical and mental pain. The fun part of me was still wanting to have fun, but now there were limitations. I could not do all that i used to do and had to stop dancing which was a long standing dream of mine.
3. What event/incident turned your life around or was pivotal to you?
I liked a guy in my workplace. I knew he liked me too but I was never going to take the step, my condition always kept me at check. We were good friends. He would always say to me, “What u have is not a killer disease, always be content and happy with what you have. There are many who dont know if they will live another day”. He showed me how to trust God, to have hope and he gave me a life I thought I could never have. I tried to convince him not to enter into wedlock with me, because I feared that I would not be able to lead a family life. But he was a man of faith so he asked me what if I had got this ailment after we were married? His support would not have wavered for me. I had great support from the Church who always prayed for my healing and stood with me in the low times. I remember popping two strong painkillers before walking down the aisle. Because it was like a dream come true, I did not see any decoration or the guests in front of me. My heart was filled with Gods promise and hope for a good life.
I started pursuing all my passions once again, painting, crafting, dancing, holidaying. I started taking my inability as a challenge to see how much I can do, how far I can go. And I used to do everything till the time that it would become unbearable for me. I would only say tat my pain tolerance increased exponentially over all these years.
4. Have you struggled with feelings of inadequacy
Most of the time, Yes. I had and have many limitations in terms of lifestyle. I cant dance so freely, but I still do with my crooked hands and legs.
I cannot dress myself so easily, it takes some effort
I cannot reach my own back
I cannot sit on the floor and have eye contact with my kids ( I felt bad about it but my husband used to say, no issues, sit on the couch)
I could not carry them when they were little
I could not take care of my children when my knees were severely affected and I had to go in for a knee replacement surgery
I cannot go on long treks
I cannot sit on the beach sand and enjoy the waves
The list is long….
5. What were the challenges you faced because of your condition and how did you cope or overcome them?
I did face many challenges due to my condition at home, workplace and outside. I was always mentally ready and up for anything, but physically I had limitations and that sometimes pulled me down psychologically.
- I had challenges in raising my kids, I cannot do things tat all mothers do very easily. But tat did not constrain me, I had my own parenting style.
- I had difficulty in standing and taking long trainings at workplace. I never was hush hush about my condition, I openly spoke about it and made myself comfortable.
- I take the stairs one step at a time so people get frustrated standing behind me. I tell them tat I’m going to take a long time so I let them pass by.
- When I am unable to do something, I make a joke about it and laugh it out.
- I have already had one of my knees replaced at a young age, I proudly call myself an ironwoman.
- In a public place, in a confined area like an elevator or a waiting room I have heard people whispering about me, my crooked hands and bulged joints. I have learnt to brush them away. That doesn’t affect me at all.
- I have had relatives mock me saying it beats them as to why I decided to even get married because I cannot possibly be having a good life. But God gifted me a great husband and two adorable children. Many were astonished to see that I could become a mother and have an uncomplicated smooth delivery. I wanted to show them all that life is not easy for anyone, its not a bed of roses after all.
You have struggles all through, if you are going to give them importance, they will overpower you but if you learn to live with those struggles and brush the negativity away, you have a beautiful life to live.
6. If we asked you what some of your wildest dreams are, what would you say?
Hmm… wildest… I don’t know if its wild but I have done a lot of adventurous things in my life. Went on an offroading kinda trip on a hilly/rocky terrain when I was 8 months pregnant.
Just a few months back I went diving in the Andaman Islands (after taking the total responsibility of my health condition underwater).
I want to give back to society in some way, do my little bit. I don’t just limit myself, I try, if i can do it well and good, if not its okay. I know I at least tried. All this is possible for me because I have put my trust in God. He has brought me this far he will take care of me so I enjoy life!
7. Do you think, from your experience, that every obstacle or set back is actually training ground for the next big success or breakthrough in life?
Yes definitely, but as an individual one needs to take control of it. Unless I want to come out of the struggles and difficult times in my life, unless I create the will power in me, I cannot overcome any situation, I will only be pulled into it deeper. If I had started to pity myself due to all the limitations/flaws I had, I would have only ended up in depression. That’s killing myself.
Whenever there is an obstacle in life, try to create avenues to get out of it, these avenues might lead you to a new chapter in life.
When I was down at the thought that I’m unable to take care of my kids I started watching some youtube DIY videos to keep away from those negative thoughts. This brought out the creator and crafter side of me. I started making hair accessories for my daughter. It made me happy that I’m finally doing something useful plus I got appreciation from many. This spurred me on to open a Facebook page to market my handmade products. That’s how “All Things Beautiful” evolved. Its a passion/hobby turned into a home business. Its been 3 years now and I’m happy crafting and doing what I like with my own limitations. It creates an identity for oneself.
8. What has been the greatest achievement and joy of your life so far?
Knowing God had been the joy of my life. Even now I feel inadequate and depressed many times, but when I think of the blessings, I just smile.
Hope and belief is something that changes your perspective in life.
I cant say I have achieved anything great but I can say I am trying to live the life that was given to me to the fullest. I have so many more things that I want to do in life.
9. What is your advice to our readers today?
I cannot advise but I would like to say that there’s no problem in life that cannot be overcome with positivity. There’s nothing so bad to lose your life over it. Be happy, enjoy, do what you can and all that you want to. Trust in God. Life is beautiful.
by Dark Is Beautiful | Jul 9, 2017 | Blog, Dark is Beautiful
“If only your nose was straight and sharp like your father’s…and if only your skin tone was a bit lighter..” These were the words spoken by my grandmother over and over again for much of the first 27 years of my life. A retired surgeon, a very accomplished one at that, she raised me up entirely on her own. She sacrificed everything to give me the best I could have in life and she did that exceedingly well. She is no more, unfortunately, and not a day goes by when I don’t miss her.
My Grandmother was a very elegant and classy lady, with beautifully sharp features and fair skin. She always knew she was a beauty! Truth. She was surrounded by the British during her childhood and hence was influenced heavily by their culture and ideology. She grew up with the notion that being fair with sharp features was the quintessence of beauty and she identified herself with that common opinion.
My gramma was my everything on earth. My only “go to” person. She introduced me to God, to fine dining, manners, character, inner strength and what not. To me, she stood tall, being the perfect role model as I grew up and needless to say, every sentence and every opinion that came from her, began to mould my thoughts and influence me.
I grew up believing in that very same opinion of hers that one needed to be fair with sharp straight features to be categorized as “Beautiful”! I thus developed a complex that i wasn’t any of that. I detested my tiny little nose. I detested my lovely ebony skin tone.
When in school and college, I have heard teachers and seniors compliment me saying, “You are a black beauty!” . I chose to not believe them.
Unfortunately for me, my grandmother was the only critic who told me the “truth” and everyone else lied to please me!
I also happened to not be a cosmetic- loving gal. My skin was very clear naturally and i felt that was the only good thing left in me and that i should protect it and hence never applied makeup on my face. I’m glad and eternally grateful that i never went after Fair and Lovely, the then most popular brand or any fairness creams for that matter.
In 2013, I had an opportunity to visit Brasil. It was one of the best times of my life.
During my stay there I had countless number of people , including absolute strangers, the young, the old, men and women, walk up to me saying, “Você é muito linda. Sua cor é bonita!!” (You are very beautiful. Your colour is beautiful). I am not exaggerating when i say “countless”. It was overwhelming to have strangers in a restaurant or at the metro station walking up just to say they thought i was beautiful! Initially it was my bestie who had to translate every time somebody approached me with this compliment. Poor thing, she must have gotten tired translating for me during the initial days when i was not familiar with their language. After a few weeks though, this sentence became very familiar to me and i learnt to say “Obrigada” (Thank you) in response to all those who walked up to me.
I visited most of the coastal cities in Brasil. One common thing i noticed was that the people spent hours on the shores applying sun screen lotions and sun bathing just to get our dusky skin tone. They find our tone so beautiful. I thought to myself, “Why have I and all the Indians been brainwashed all these years by media, family, friends and cosmetic companies into thinking that dark is not beautiful. This is absolutely crazy!!”
That brought an end to my thinking that being fair was beautiful. I began to embrace my complexion and everything about me completely. It took an experience in a strange land for me to know and understand what it was when God said I was His Masterpiece!”
Remember, the grass will always look greener on the other side. The only thing that will keep you content is appreciating your own uniqueness and consciously making a shift in your mind to accept who you are created to be and celebrate the remarkable handiwork that you are. You are absolutely stunning just the way you are!
[su_box title=”About the author” style=”soft” box_color=”#f3f3f3″ title_color=”#000000″ radius=”5″]
Anita Esther Joseph is a multitalented dancer, singer and freelance photographer.[/su_box]
by Dark Is Beautiful | Jun 28, 2017 | Blog, Dark is Beautiful
We exist in a time where information is more easily accessible than ever before. Along with information, we are often bombarded with opinions, and at times it can be hard to discern the difference. One of the areas this difficulty arises in, is in defining beauty. Not only are we often presented with fake images as the truth, but we are also presented a fixed notion of what can be considered beautiful in the society we live in. This becomes increasingly problematic when what is considered beautiful is influenced by businesses who seek to profit from people’s insecurities.
Dr. Gail Dines concisely puts this idea across as “If tomorrow, women woke up and decided they really liked their bodies, just think how many industries would go out of business.” It may appear quite simple when you consider that all industries depend on demand for the growth of their businesses. But unlike in the case of food, these industries seem to create an artificial desire and pump in their products to try to fill that void. These industries are built on the insecurity of women, and they position themselves as trying to help women attain happiness and success. They do this by equating a particular standard of beauty with prosperity and affluence in all aspects of life, be it career or romantic. Often this standard is one that is unattainable, allowing a constant stream of purchases in the hopes of improving their lives. When the idea of beauty remains something unattainable, basing one’s self worth and happiness on this idea is damaging. It may seem impossible to truly be satisfied with oneself.
Instead of chasing this idea, maybe the answer lies in redefining beauty. To pushing its boundaries beyond what society tells us, to include our own definition of beauty. In this, lies a choice. We can either accept the definition of beauty presented to us, and continue to be dissatisfied with our appearances and critical of those around us. Or, we can choose to see the beauty that exists around us. We can choose to see beauty in confidence and smiles. We can choose to accept that society’s definition of beauty is not the only one. We can make our choice based on what we want for ourselves, not on what others want for us. But one must remember, that beauty is not the ultimate goal. Colorism is not only a problem because it values one shade of skin over others, it promotes the idea that people, and women in particular, should base their self worth in their physical appearance. Health, knowledge and kindness are far better parameters on which to measure self worth. So, it seems to me that if we want to be more satisfied with ourselves and self confident, there is a twofold task before us. We must redefine what beauty is to us, to include more than unattainable standards, and simultaneously recognise that our worth does not lie in our physical appearances.
I started to think about this idea of redefining beauty when I first joined college. One thing I hadn’t expected, was how this turned out to be an entry into an immensely positive community. I remember having conversations with my friends about how beautiful the people around us were, and not beautiful in the way society conventionally defines it. These conversations with my friends helped me see that when I started looking beyond conventional beauty in the people around me, I started to feel more beautiful as well. I believe that developing this sort of positive dialogue, by complementing the people around you instead of commenting about them, and looking for beauty rather than looking for flaws, goes a long way in building your own happiness.
[su_box title=”About the author” style=”soft” box_color=”#f3f3f3″ title_color=”#000000″ radius=”5″]
Sneha is a 19 year old who is currently pursuing her B.A Economics in Azim Premji University in Bangalore. Because of her interest in pursuing a career in development, she is currently interning at Women of Worth. [/su_box]
by WOW | Jun 21, 2017 | Blog, She Leads
As a part of the She Leads initiative, a joint campaign by the Madras Chamber of Commerce and Industry, Women of Worth and the British Deputy High Commission of India, a leadership workshop was organised at the Great Lakes Institute of Management. The She Leads campaign recognised aspiring young women from across India and inspired them to take up roles as leaders in their respective fields. Ten winners from various colleges were selected and an award ceremony was organised earlier in the year. At the event, they were able to interact with people such as Shruti Hassan, Kiran Bedi and the British Deputy High Commissioner in Chennai. As a continuation of this campaign, a three day leadership workshop starting on the 31st of June, was conducted by the Great Lakes Institute of Management Chennai.
The workshop began with Prof. G. N Radhakrishnan who conducted a session on personal effectiveness and developing self. He explored the concept of emotional intelligence and its relevance to leadership, which is a topic that has gained importance recently. Emotional intelligence essentially refers to the capacity to monitor one’s own and others emotions and being able to respond appropriately. Prof. Radhakrishnan elaborated on how this was essential in maintaining good relationships with coworkers and also for maintaining peak performance, in oneself and in those around.
The next day was centred around economic development and was led by Dr. V.P Singh who outlined certain basic economic concepts and connected them to current policy and events. He explained how controlling monetray supply can affect growth and inflation. The She Leads finalists spent a productive afternoon with the press after which Prof. Sridhar concluded the day with an enlightening session on financial planning. The session was extremely useful for a group of young women on the verge of starting their careers, as it pointed out the benefits of starting to save at an early age and of investing these savings in various places.
The last day started off early with Prof. Sridhar’s discussion on the importance of Corporate Social Responsibility. Later, Prof. Stephen Chinnaswamy conducted a session on team building wherein he spoke of the various facets of what it entails to be a leader. He strayed away from defining a leader as the stereotypical aggressive boss, and advocated a definition in which a leader was meant to be flexible, emotionally intelligent, and willing to make mistakes as long as they learned from those mistakes. He conducted activities that were designed to facilitate better understanding and was also able to use what he taught in order to answer the questions that the participants had prior to the session.
The workshop on the whole was a resounding success as the participants enjoyed interacting with the highly competent, experienced and skilled faculty all the while being exposed to new areas of skill and learning.
by Fearless Project | May 31, 2017 | Blog, Fearless Project, Girl Arise
We have heard about the incidents involving women and children being molested and probably momentarily dwelt on it and maybe (if you’re like me) gotten misty eyed over it. I don’t plan on quoting statistics to you nor do I want to get technical by defining abuse and all it’s horrific offshoots.
My heart and gut clenches every time I think of a child getting hurt by an adult who should have protected him or her. It’s an abuse of power, of responsibility and of position. It’s not okay! As a mother to three precious little ones, I consider, as my primary calling and responsibility, their safety and well being. I do realise though that in many cases where abuse has occurred children have been handed over with love to those whom parents have trusted implicitly, in order that the parents could make ends meet and provide a better home and future for their family. So then, the question arises as to what can be done to make life safer for these children who have to stay at daycare or a crèche or at a relative’s house while their parents support and provide for them? 
For one, the child has to be taught by their parents to protect their body from a predator. Predators both known and unknown considering, scarily enough, that a lot of times the abuser is someone known to the child. Parents being the primary caregivers and nurturers have every reason to educate their children and create a safe space of communication between them which will be a fall back in the event of any harm coming to the child. More importantly there has to exist a cordial relationship between parents and school teachers who spend the most time with the children outside of home. Also important is the cooperation that parents need to offer the school authorities when they attempt to bring in additional safety measures for their students rather than criticising or working at cross purposes to them. The most crucial factor though, would be for parents to not be caught up in the rut of societal pressure which could cause them to sweep incidents like this under the rug rather than dealing with it head on. Easier said than done right in our conservative and often times judgemental society? But think about this, if I stand up to deal with my child’s hurt, pain, questions and memories then i can do far more good for that little human than giving him or her the world. Just by believing them, holding them close and playing a part in their healing without any judgement could radically change their lives. Abuse leaves scars. An aware, caring and involved parent can make those scars fade dramatically. I urge all you mummas and daddas out there, no matter how old or young your kids are. Listen to your children, observe them for behavioural changes, monitor who they play with and stay abreast of their lives. You can be that MVP in your child’s life. It’s never too late. Start now! #fearlessproject #stayaware
by Fearless Project | Apr 24, 2017 | Blog, Fearless Project, Girl Arise
We will all agree that safety of women and children is a huge concern in our country today. We agonize over the safety of our children and even of ourselves. Fear does have a crippling effect on life and the decisions we take every day. Yet, we seldom stop to consider how to eliminate these fears so we can live free. When we happen to switch on the television and hear about a horrible incident of rape or child abuse in an institution we fill ourselves with more fear. Have you stopped to think if this fear is healthy or rational? If fear is our only response to issues of safety we are to be pitied.
Fear as a response to safety issues can have damaging consequences. Fear will cause us to live in a constant state of anxiousness or paranoia. I remember the time in 2012 when the horror of the rape incident in Delhi shook us all. The immediate response was to shut ourselves in and tell our daughters to not go out late. Some daughters and wives had their parents and husbands pull them out of jobs with late night shifts. If we all locked ourselves in would the world become a safe place? Is this the kind of safety we want? Or do we want to change the meaning of the word ‘safe’ by working towards ensuring safety of our women and children in public spaces, campuses, at work and at home without curtailing their everyday normal movements?
Again, we tend to assume that abusers are often strangers not known to us. But statistics all over the world say otherwise. Abusers of women and children are usually people known to them at work, at school, in our campuses and at home. We teach our children not to talk to strangers but have we talked to them about saying No to unsafe advances of family members or neighbours? Abuse can scar a person for life. And fear is not the answer to safety.
Recently while talking to a few college going students, I was stunned to hear them say that safety is one of the biggest hindrances to them pursuing their dreams. I am not here condoning lack of caution in any way. We need to be wise and take precautions that will ensure our safety. But not at the cost of fear that cripples us from living life to the fullest.
Safety is my right. When I feel safe I don’t want anyone to think that they are doing me a favour. My safety does not depend just on me doing the right thing. It also depends on how the environment I am in responds to my need for safety. In other words, the community of people I live with, mingle with and interact with on a daily basis are as responsible as I am for my safety and the safety of my fellow humans.
WOW’s Girl Arise campaign was launched to raise the bar on women’s safety in campuses, work places, at home and in public spaces. Again, one cannot ensure the safety of women and children by just empowering and bringing awareness to women. If men stand aloof and pretend like this is of no concern of theirs, we will never have a safe world. Men and women together need to work on making this world a safer place for women and children.
Statistics says that 53% of children in India have faced some form of sexual abuse. Another myth to dispel is that abuse happens only to girl children. Boys face abuse too. There is a huge population of children in our country who are sold into brothels or exploited by the porn industry. We need to buck up and respond if we believe that children are our future.
The #Fearlessproject is an attempt to equip student campuses and learning centers to be safe places of learning. By equipping teachers, trainers, management staff and more, we hope to contribute towards ensuring safety for students. Our training courses will not only equip campuses to ensure safety of students but will also help educators identify signs of abuse in a child and reach out for appropriate help.
Fear may be our immediate reaction to unsafe situations. But let not fear be the only solution to safety. #LiveFearless!
